Freely Flowing

I t has been unbelievably hard for me to write. I love to write and yet, taking this to a public place has stood me before some scary fears - giants , if you will. One of my giants is that I see things differently than many people. (Which has the curious effect of taking me away from people, whom I feel deeply pulled to help.) I think it is important that you get to know that if you are to connect with me or understand more of this blog. Allow me to explain a bit more. Over the last year, I have come to learn more about myself, as this is vital to knowing my strengths and weaknesses and how, perhaps I could find myself in such a place (internally) as I am now. Personality tests have given me insight into this over the years (though I have fought chalking everything up to personality) and I have learned I am an INFJ. These personalities are the rarest in society (easy to be misunderstood in that way). And they think differently and often have trouble expressing their though...

I did not create the path I am walking, though I do choose to walk it. It doesn't look much like a path I would make. I want to present anything I have to say in its most finished and perfected form. (That way there is no more argument. There is no more pain from fault, error, or disagreement. There is no mess or pain from tripping or slipping or bumping or falling. No weakness.) But the reality is I am far from perfect. My name is more and more a mockery to me; "Tammy" means perfection in some renderings. So how do I let go of ME ? I am coming to believe I must follow The Way, one step at a time. Away from what I was before and into what He IS . I can't really safely know Him beforehand. W riting is in me. I know it is - but I am new. I don't know my own "voice" and I don't know my "filter" and I don't know a lot . Including all the rules . What I do know is that I am in pain. And I, so far, have refused to anesthe...

I once looked around in a time of great loneliness, heart bleeding, and need and saw people as though they were water. My mind mocked me and said, "Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink*" - because that was how it felt. There are so many people in this world, with their hearts FULL of something. Many with so much to share - the hurt, the scars, the triumphs, the joys, the understandings, and helps. Each could be a gushing place of water for anyone thirsty like me. Do they not know that their hearts can be wellsprings? The more I thought of that the more I thought how "normal" Christianity beckons us to hide all of that and perform. We can not show ALL of that - it is too dangerous. Besides, we have to look like we have it all together so people will be enticed to listen to our message. Who wants to listen to someone who isn't a professional in what they proclaim?  And so - all that water becomes hidden behind a wall. A wall for protection, (f...